When God Doesn't Say "Yes"

At the start of the semester, my college ministry group announced they would be taking a mission trip to Haiti in May. I thought it sounded like a great experience, but I decided I would wait until another year because I just didn't think it was my time. However, I could not get the trip off my mind. I prayed and prayed on it and what I should do. Then, the night before the sign-up deadline I called my dad and asked him what he thought about me going on this mission trip. When he asked what changed my mind I got a little emotional and told him that it was just on my heart and I could feel God calling me. Right then, my dad and I both decided I should listen.

All of that happened about mid-February. As the weeks went on I sent out letters to fundraise, made an appointment to get the required shots, started making a list of all the items I would need to bring with me, and just handled other arrangements for the time I would be gone. Most importantly, I prayed and prayed for God to teach me how to be a light for him and show the love he has for us. I asked him to give me the right words to say and to prepare my heart for all I was going to encounter.
I was so, so excited to see how my life would be impacted and all the good that would be done in his name.

But- as I continue to see time and time again- my plans do not always match up with God's. Tuesday, April 9th I received a call from my church's mission coordinator. I had just dropped off a bunch of checks to pay for my trip, so I thought she had some questions or needed some more information. In actuality, she was calling to tell me the trip was going to be called off, going to be canceled. The political riots in Haiti had caused a level 4 travel advisory, and the organization we were traveling through, Many Hands for Haiti, doesn't accept groups at that level due to safety concerns. 

I could hardly get a word out. Canceled? After I just received enough donations to cover the cost? After I spent the last two months preparing my heart? After I allowed myself to listen to God and sign-up in the first place? No, it couldn't just be canceled.

Once I got off the phone with my missions coordinator, I cried, I prayed, and I even yelled at God. "Why would you have me go through all of this if you were going to cancel it?"
"Why are you letting everyone else go and serve, but not me?"
"How is this part of your plan?"
"Why do you keep taking things away?"
"Why do you keep saying no?"

So, I prayed and processed it all and turns out, I'm going to be okay. You see, the key factor here is that when I was doubting and frustrated and mad with God, I took those feelings TO him, not AWAY from him. And, as confused as I was (and still a little bit am) about why this was the outcome, I know and trust he only has greater good to come from this. His reasons are there, even when I don't understand.

Because when God doesn't say "yes," it doesn't mean he's saying "no" either. It really means "not yet, be patient" or "I have something better." God doesn't like to see us hurting and upset with him. He doesn't bring troubles into our life because he enjoys it. No, it hurts him just as much as it hurts us, but he knows that sometimes we need those troubles in order to get where he wants us to go- almost like a stepping stone of sorts. 

So today, a day I was supposed to be on a plane off to Haiti to help serve the Lord and be a light for him, I will be doing something else- trying to fit in a run and working on scholarships in Ames. The crazy part is that I'm still able to serve and be a light. We all are. Everywhere we go we have opportunities to serve and share the good news.

There's a lesson to learn and a story to be told from every prayer God doesn't answer the way you want him to. Believe me. I know it's hard, but just trust that he's answering them the way you need him to. You see, God always makes the perfect decision, and us..... well not so much. God loves you and He loves me and He will always do what's best for us. Be still and know.

Photo Creds:
http://www.blessedwithanest.com/2013/01/22/does-god-answer-prayer-yes-like-a-stoplight/